3.5.11
Big big big...
...new update is coming later today once I wake up from my coma [if I can get to sleep]. Lots of stuff to catch up on. And yes, this includes a handful of drawings.
29.4.11
I almost sent it.
An email to a friend. Until I realized that, though it's awfully sweet and thoughtful, it's probably not the type of thing she really appreciates. Now, I could be wrong about that given the nature of sensitive things and how people usually hide them from the world, but I usually end up feeling like I...
Hmm... I had an epiphany mid-sentence. I was going to say that I end up giving love away too freely sometimes and feel like it was never really wanted by that person in the first place. Maybe you don't get much of a reaction from them. Maybe they don't [or can't] articulate very well what it meant to them. Maybe it didn't mean anything to them and you get silence. I mean, c'mon! What's more unnerving than spending an hour or two trying to craft a hug via words on a screen through intense scouring of the internet for all of the right things they might be needing to hear or see... and getting a heaping helping of silence?
It's a catch-22. They don't know that you were devoting hours to writing one email, but you can't mention that because then you're placing some kind of price tag on their reaction.
"You need to cry and tell me this is just what you were missing today because I said that I spent two hours on one email." Say that and you'll end up sounding needy and desperate. And really, I just want to do what I can from the outside to help.
-----
But isn't that what love is? Isn't that what love does? It gives itself on the presupposition that it isn't expecting or wanting anything in return. Isn't it love that says, "Yes, there's a large chance that what I'm trying to do for someone else will be ignored or unnoticed or thrown to the wayside, but instead, I'm going to hang onto the possibility that it's arriving at just the right time for them"? And let me tell you, that's the reason I started the email. I wasn't purposefully thinking about her this morning. I simply came across a picture on tumblr that reminded me she's working through heavy personal stuff and that she's struggling to be happy; then I wanted to write her up and remind her I was thinking about her and that she's missed. Who knows, it might be possible that our hearts function on some psychic wavelength, unique to everything else in the universe; and that it's possible for you to just know, in some quiet unexplainable way, when someone else isn't doing so well.
But basically, I went from feeling confident warm fuzzies... to "maybe this is too much..." to "nevermind, this is stupid. girls don't actually like sensitive caring guys because that's the world's biggest fucking hoax. delete it."
They weren't lying when they said that loving is risky. And I'm not even talking about the I'm-in-love-with-you love, but even just the I-care-about-this-person's-well-being-and-want-to-help-make-them-happy love; platonic love. You insist to yourself that it's being given out purely as a freebie, but then end up balking right before you click send. Sounds to me like there's an unspoken risk hiding in there somewhere...
You then find yourself here in your journal trying to figure out if you were being brave for starting or smart for quitting. But who's more important? Me or her? Because if she is, I'd run the risk to my own ego that I'll sound like a cliche-ridden-dorkus-face if it means that I might hit the X on the spot.
*sigh*
Time to go sound like a moron...
Hmm... I had an epiphany mid-sentence. I was going to say that I end up giving love away too freely sometimes and feel like it was never really wanted by that person in the first place. Maybe you don't get much of a reaction from them. Maybe they don't [or can't] articulate very well what it meant to them. Maybe it didn't mean anything to them and you get silence. I mean, c'mon! What's more unnerving than spending an hour or two trying to craft a hug via words on a screen through intense scouring of the internet for all of the right things they might be needing to hear or see... and getting a heaping helping of silence?
It's a catch-22. They don't know that you were devoting hours to writing one email, but you can't mention that because then you're placing some kind of price tag on their reaction.
"You need to cry and tell me this is just what you were missing today because I said that I spent two hours on one email." Say that and you'll end up sounding needy and desperate. And really, I just want to do what I can from the outside to help.
-----
But isn't that what love is? Isn't that what love does? It gives itself on the presupposition that it isn't expecting or wanting anything in return. Isn't it love that says, "Yes, there's a large chance that what I'm trying to do for someone else will be ignored or unnoticed or thrown to the wayside, but instead, I'm going to hang onto the possibility that it's arriving at just the right time for them"? And let me tell you, that's the reason I started the email. I wasn't purposefully thinking about her this morning. I simply came across a picture on tumblr that reminded me she's working through heavy personal stuff and that she's struggling to be happy; then I wanted to write her up and remind her I was thinking about her and that she's missed. Who knows, it might be possible that our hearts function on some psychic wavelength, unique to everything else in the universe; and that it's possible for you to just know, in some quiet unexplainable way, when someone else isn't doing so well.
But basically, I went from feeling confident warm fuzzies... to "maybe this is too much..." to "nevermind, this is stupid. girls don't actually like sensitive caring guys because that's the world's biggest fucking hoax. delete it."
They weren't lying when they said that loving is risky. And I'm not even talking about the I'm-in-love-with-you love, but even just the I-care-about-this-person's-well-being-and-want-to-help-make-them-happy love; platonic love. You insist to yourself that it's being given out purely as a freebie, but then end up balking right before you click send. Sounds to me like there's an unspoken risk hiding in there somewhere...
You then find yourself here in your journal trying to figure out if you were being brave for starting or smart for quitting. But who's more important? Me or her? Because if she is, I'd run the risk to my own ego that I'll sound like a cliche-ridden-dorkus-face if it means that I might hit the X on the spot.
*sigh*
Time to go sound like a moron...
27.4.11
Whattt???
I haven't drawn in so long... and trust me when I say that it doesn't feel good. Spending time away from it is like asking a new mother to spend time away from her baby. I miss it. And I know it's not a good enough excuse to just say I was having anxiety attacks over it (and over-thinking my future with it), but I was fighting really strong bouts of depression this week. It was rough.
That being said, I finally made it in for my appointment (because I was late the first time I set it up and had to reschedule). Based on what I told him, my neurologist also believes I have ADD. He recommended a good neuropsychologist in my city to see for the actual testing and evaluation. I was prescribed a low dosage of Adderall for now. This way, we can get started on figuring out what works for me, what doesn't, and how much of what to take. ...there's a fine-tuning to this process, and I'm honestly just happy that it's gotten underway. I hate waiting.
So, it's now exactly 12:00am as I write this. I'll be working on packing up for a trip I'm heading on in the morning. Heading to Nashville for a week. Gonna run the Nashville Marathon. It'll be my 2nd marathon in the past year. Super stoked to bring home another medal to put up on the wall. That and it's in the Rock And Roll Marathon series; live bands set up at each mile marker. ;]
...I'm gonna draw something tonight. I wanna promise myself that. This loop...I'm gettin back in it.
This song made me happy today:
Lost Woods Dubstep by ephixa
That being said, I finally made it in for my appointment (because I was late the first time I set it up and had to reschedule). Based on what I told him, my neurologist also believes I have ADD. He recommended a good neuropsychologist in my city to see for the actual testing and evaluation. I was prescribed a low dosage of Adderall for now. This way, we can get started on figuring out what works for me, what doesn't, and how much of what to take. ...there's a fine-tuning to this process, and I'm honestly just happy that it's gotten underway. I hate waiting.
So, it's now exactly 12:00am as I write this. I'll be working on packing up for a trip I'm heading on in the morning. Heading to Nashville for a week. Gonna run the Nashville Marathon. It'll be my 2nd marathon in the past year. Super stoked to bring home another medal to put up on the wall. That and it's in the Rock And Roll Marathon series; live bands set up at each mile marker. ;]
...I'm gonna draw something tonight. I wanna promise myself that. This loop...I'm gettin back in it.
This song made me happy today:
Lost Woods Dubstep by ephixa
21.4.11
"I need some time alone with my own thoughts. Got treasures in my mind but I can't open up my own vault..."
Today is another one of those days.
Food doesn't taste good.
Music doesn't sound good.
Nothing is fun, funny, or entertaining.
Everything fucking sucks.
I have no idea how to get out of this funk either.
And there's this immense anxiety about drawing. I can't explain it well, but it's that I keep thinking about drawing...and won't. Or can't. I'm not sure which it is.
I shed tears, have a headache, and hate everything today? Fair enough. Except I already know that if I do what I feel like doing [sleeping], that I'll wake up and maybe feel better. The problem is that I'm quite apt to fall into the same spot again after waking up. But what if I do what I don't feel like doing [drawing]? I don't believe I've ever gone against the grain in a foul mood. I usually just cave in to whatever curl-up-into-a-ball-and-cry gesture that Resistance feeds me.
So...after this post is published, I'm going to put on Big Bang Theory and draw something. Anything. I don't care if it ends up just being a circle. The only thing I know is that it's time for some fucking experimentation.
ugh...this day needs to be over and that appointment needs to get here sooner.
"I don't love you...I always will...oh, I don't love you...I always will..."
--The Civil Wars; Poison & Wine
This song describes exactly how I feel.
Inside my head:
Food doesn't taste good.
Music doesn't sound good.
Nothing is fun, funny, or entertaining.
Everything fucking sucks.
I have no idea how to get out of this funk either.
And there's this immense anxiety about drawing. I can't explain it well, but it's that I keep thinking about drawing...and won't. Or can't. I'm not sure which it is.
I shed tears, have a headache, and hate everything today? Fair enough. Except I already know that if I do what I feel like doing [sleeping], that I'll wake up and maybe feel better. The problem is that I'm quite apt to fall into the same spot again after waking up. But what if I do what I don't feel like doing [drawing]? I don't believe I've ever gone against the grain in a foul mood. I usually just cave in to whatever curl-up-into-a-ball-and-cry gesture that Resistance feeds me.
So...after this post is published, I'm going to put on Big Bang Theory and draw something. Anything. I don't care if it ends up just being a circle. The only thing I know is that it's time for some fucking experimentation.
ugh...this day needs to be over and that appointment needs to get here sooner.
"I don't love you...I always will...oh, I don't love you...I always will..."
--The Civil Wars; Poison & Wine
This song describes exactly how I feel.
20.4.11
Missed it...
Blargh.
We even left early (in my opinion).
---
So, the appointment with the neurologist was at 12:30, right? And we leave around 11:30. That's an hour to cover 30 minutes of distance. But no. The gps decided to get fresh with us and go for the reach-a-round. Of course. Typical machines...
Which means the appointment is now re-scheduled for next Tuesday.
At this point, anyone who would be looking forward to such an appointment would be disappointed [hahaha, wordplay!]. And I was. I honestly was kinda crushed when they said that it was too late. Because, as it turns out, the first appointment is for a 30-minute consultation. THEN we have to schedule another appointment for the actual evaluation. Ugh.
Here's the silver lining though: on the drive over to the doctor's office, my boy David was playing this song by Darius Rucker [frontman of Hootie & the Blowfish].
It's about a guy who's heading home, right... he was just broken up with, needs a job, and is probably feeling something to the effect of:
and a little of:
and possibly a bit like life pulled one of these:
And in moments like these, it's always the icing on the cake: you hit a red light. ...I don't know about you, but catching those yellows all the way home when I'm upset just straight pisses me off. He looks out the car window though, and sees a "Help Wanted" sign.
Job: accomplished.
Turns out to be dead end, but it leads to an office job. There he ends up meeting a new girl.
Better girlfriend: accomplished.
Turns out he gets married to her. They have a child.
Family: accomplished.
He reflects on this and realizes that if it wasn't for that red light - that door to his plans closing on him, that "disappointment" - he wouldn't have made it to that next level of his life.
Sometimes you can only get further when you release this idea we all cook up in our heads that your plan is exactly what life will give you.
And it turns out, that had I gone in to that appointment today, I would've ended up discussing the wrong issues with the doctor. I wouldn't have ended up coming to the epiphanies that I did only a few hours after we missed that appointment. Because now I feel as though I've removed another layer of the problem and can accurately pinpoint that in my future discussions with the neurologist.
Was I frustrated? Sure. Am I still? Sure. I'm not the most patient in some areas. But do I understand now? Yes. Not everything in life has to be so quick.
The deeper question is, "In what other areas of my life do I not get the picture? And will I handle it well when I have to go through something difficult to finally see?"
18.4.11
One of those days...
Man, I did NOT feel like drawing earlier. I don't know what it is about today, but I wasn't feelin' it. It was like life looked me straight in the eyes and said:
The salt in the wound.
But...I've since learned to not trust my feelings in these matters. Because nobody is going to feel it every single day. You'll have off days. Even the people at the top still go through it. It doesn't matter nearly as much what you do on a good day, when you're feelin' like a champ. It matters what you do on an off day. There's a deeper show of your faith when you feel like shit and still keep pressing on.
I'm still learning this.
-----
So it's lunchtime...I want to draw, but can clearly see I'm gonna have to climb over a wall for it.
"I'll make some food first. Maybe I'm bein fussy because I'm hungry."
I go downstairs, make a beast-ass lunch, and come back up for work. ...well, wouldn't you know I got that itus. [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=da%20itus]
"I'll make some food first. Maybe I'm bein fussy because I'm hungry."
I go downstairs, make a beast-ass lunch, and come back up for work. ...well, wouldn't you know I got that itus. [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=da%20itus]
A couple hours later, my buddy C-Los wakes me up with a phone call trying to get me to come play some soccer. Now, I don't know how many of you have ever been woken up with an offer to go do some physical activity...but more often than not, you're thinkin "no." However, I agree on two conditions:
1. We throw some football in too.
2. He gets me a bagel at Panera afterwards [<3 for P-Bread].
So we get out, run around, get that exercise goin, grab some food, discuss jobs and make some slick plans... now here I sit. Except, I'm ready to push through this half-ass day and bust out a drawing because those dreams I have of getting into RISD and becoming an illustrator, they aren't going to wait for me to "feel" like reaching for them. Days are passing, people are working, and every day that I stand still is a day that my dreams are also standing still.
So if what you want in life is only moving towards you when you move towards it, then what the fuck are we waiting for?
17.4.11
"Ohhh my god...why did I drink so much and smoke so much...ughhh???"
Ok, technically not. That's Kid Cudi at the end of "Pursuit Of Happyness." But ohhh my gooddd I'm sooo tiredd. Standin on your feet for 10 hours will wipe you out. Been up since 8ish and got home about an hour ago. Blahhhhh...this is how I felt all night long trying to chase those Z's:
So yeah, it was like...2am when I decided, "Fuck it. No more pity party. I'm gonna draw!" And trust me, I threw myself a glorious pity party. Which is why I was trying to sleep early. See... I'd spent all of my waking hours reading:
and was all jazzed up to keep my own progress going. But of course, the intellectual half of my brain shut down on me and the lizard half of my brain took over [hint - read Linchpin to learn more about our lizard brains; fascinating]. So it was around midnight, I was getting tired and angry and frustrated and annoyed and pissy and tired and more pissy. Which led to me crawling under the covers like a bug. Stupid. I know. Then when I couldn't sleep [hot rooms make me more angry] and kept tossing around in bed, I shot up with this weird motivation that climbed out of nowhere, and decided to keep drawing. About 5 minutes into the Anna Popplewell and 15 minutes into Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and I'd been bit. By a bug.
The Mila-Kunis-Is-Fucking-Gorgeous-Bug.
The movie ended up paused for...an hour or so? I just kept going until I was done. And then I was satisfied. And then I was sleepy. And then I tried to sleep. And then I ended up staring down the clock, wishing that I could "fall asleep at this exact moment" to ensure I'd get the maximum amount of sleep before the alarm would start blaring. I didn't. I think I got an hour or two. Kept waking up. Kept tossing. But Mila Kunis was finished.
I was pleased. :]
FAVORITE SONG RIGHT NOW:
"I should've gone to bed by now..."
Too true.
So yeah, it was like...2am when I decided, "Fuck it. No more pity party. I'm gonna draw!" And trust me, I threw myself a glorious pity party. Which is why I was trying to sleep early. See... I'd spent all of my waking hours reading:
LMS: Killbook Of A Bounty Hunter [by Dan Luvisi]
^^Legendary^^
and was all jazzed up to keep my own progress going. But of course, the intellectual half of my brain shut down on me and the lizard half of my brain took over [hint - read Linchpin to learn more about our lizard brains; fascinating]. So it was around midnight, I was getting tired and angry and frustrated and annoyed and pissy and tired and more pissy. Which led to me crawling under the covers like a bug. Stupid. I know. Then when I couldn't sleep [hot rooms make me more angry] and kept tossing around in bed, I shot up with this weird motivation that climbed out of nowhere, and decided to keep drawing. About 5 minutes into the Anna Popplewell and 15 minutes into Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and I'd been bit. By a bug.
The Mila-Kunis-Is-Fucking-Gorgeous-Bug.
The movie ended up paused for...an hour or so? I just kept going until I was done. And then I was satisfied. And then I was sleepy. And then I tried to sleep. And then I ended up staring down the clock, wishing that I could "fall asleep at this exact moment" to ensure I'd get the maximum amount of sleep before the alarm would start blaring. I didn't. I think I got an hour or two. Kept waking up. Kept tossing. But Mila Kunis was finished.
I was pleased. :]
FAVORITE SONG RIGHT NOW:
"I should've gone to bed by now..."
Too true.
15.4.11
What day is it again...?
I know I'm off by a day's worth of posting. Which means I'll be doing two today. Possibly three. It kinda depends on how much yard-work I gotta do oustide with my pops. It's super super super nice outside today though...I might get tempted to go throw the football around or somfin. :S
Also, I went to the doctor's appointment yesterday. She was adamant that I go through an evaluation before she begins with prescriptions. As much as I understand her stance, I hate wasting time. So I jumped and scheduled another appointment with the neurologist she recommended. Got in next Wednesday! I half expected to be waitlisted for a month [has happened before with psychologists/psychiatrists; all of which I canceled because I'm impatient]. We'll see in less than a week! I'm excited. This might be the turning of a nice productive new page...
Nooww, here's #5 of the 30daychallenge, Leonardo DiCaprio:
Took the length of two movies [Good Will Hunting, Greenzone]. About 4 hours minus the time I spent watching parts of the movies. They're both sooo damnnn goooddd... Matt Damon is a beast. He also happens to be the next drawing I'll be doing after Anna Popplewell. Both should be done today.
Time for a new addition: FAVORITE SONG OF THE MOMENT!!
Also, I went to the doctor's appointment yesterday. She was adamant that I go through an evaluation before she begins with prescriptions. As much as I understand her stance, I hate wasting time. So I jumped and scheduled another appointment with the neurologist she recommended. Got in next Wednesday! I half expected to be waitlisted for a month [has happened before with psychologists/psychiatrists; all of which I canceled because I'm impatient]. We'll see in less than a week! I'm excited. This might be the turning of a nice productive new page...
Nooww, here's #5 of the 30daychallenge, Leonardo DiCaprio:
Took the length of two movies [Good Will Hunting, Greenzone]. About 4 hours minus the time I spent watching parts of the movies. They're both sooo damnnn goooddd... Matt Damon is a beast. He also happens to be the next drawing I'll be doing after Anna Popplewell. Both should be done today.
Time for a new addition: FAVORITE SONG OF THE MOMENT!!
13.4.11
30in30challenge - The Contract
Yes, it was signed. ;]
The rundown:
Dudes
James FrancoJoseph Gordon-Levitt- Leonardo DiCaprio
- Matt Damon
- Liam Neeson
- Mark Wahlberg
- Danny McBride
- Marshall Erickson [HIMYM]
- Ted Mosby [HIMYM]
- Barney Stinson [HIMYM]
- Jack Black
- Bernhoft
- Morgan Freeman
- Joe Pesci
- Robert Downey Jr.
- Skrillex *BONUS*
Chicks
Jennifer ConnellyNatalie Portman- Anna Popplewell
- Emily Browning
- Zooey Deschanel
- Rosario Dawson
- Charlize Theron
- Mila Kunis
- Lily Aldren [HIMYM]
- Robin Scherbatsky [HIMYM]
- Amanda Seyfried
- Emma Watson
- JoJo Levesque
- Kate Beckinsale
- Christina Hendricks
- Lights *BONUS*
The Rules
- Must finish 30 days from April 9th, 2011, this whole entire ginormous fucking list.
- One-a-day will get me there.
- Cannot cheat and do several in one day w/subsequent days "off."
- No other drawings allowed until one is finished from this list, per day.
Stipulations
- Does not have to be good.
- Freedom is given to suck.
- Other media are encouraged --> watercolour.
The way I'm doing it is to alternate from the Dudes and Chicks columns each day, from top to bottom. Like I said, tonight is Leonardo DiCaprio [massive fan of him], and the next girl I get to do is Anna Popplewell. And omfg is it gonna be awesome. ...she's got those smoky eyes...and those lips. Mmmm...
However, I might screw it up horribly and ruin her face. Which, in turn, means I'll just have to draw her again! Of course, I have no qualms with that.
If at any point, you...the reader, would like to suggest a specific picture or role that any of the people on this list have been in, I'd be more than happy to draw it! Just drop a comment is all!
Day 4!
Whew, crankin right along. Here's today's lowdown:
It was like...2, maybe 3am...when I got one of those cravings for a Red Bull. I mean a craving. Because, to me, Red Bull just flat-out tastes better late at night when the world shuts down, everyone is sleeping, and I'm gettin down to work. It makes me feel like a professional [as described by Steven Pressfield].
It's also nice to reward yourself every now and then. Give yourself something you enjoy. It's a pat on the back for your inner artist's work and dedication.
But I end up comin back around 7.
Yeah, you're like, "...the fuck? 4 hours to get a Red Bull?"
Haha, no. I stopped by my boy David's house to catch up. Got into a conversation about ADD prescriptions. Turns out that I might end up far more productive if I'd go see my doctor about getting something low-key for it [not Adderall, fuck that. seriously, it's a baby form of cocaine. not down.]. Got an appointment for tomorrow morning.
See, I'm trying to apply to a really nice art school by December. Which means I have the better half of a year to get a legitimate portfolio in the works. Now, I'll need all the scholarship money I can get since my parents can't help me out financially with it. This means I can't be wasting time dicking around on youtube and facebook when I have/want/need to be practicing several hours a day. What it boils down to is - you guessed it - concentrating. Which I struggle with. A lot. So, we'll see how the next month goes once I get a prescription.
So anywho, then I get back home, sit down, throw on The Social Network [phenomenal] and start up on the 2nd Natalie Portman. And I swear, it probably took a full 5 minutes just to get that first line going. A blank canvas truly is a hard thing to jump into every now and then. And today, it got me good. I was like, "...nnnooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo."
And then I told Resistance to "stfu cause I'm working." Which it obliged. Bullies tend to back down from a challenge. Which is why my facebook status, every other day, says something to the effect of:
Gotta do whatcha gotta do...even if it means kickin some little shit down a hole. ;O
Now, this... is...THE DRAWING:
Day #4 - Natalie Portman!
For the sake of comparing, this... is...THE ORIGINAL:
I can see that I still suffer a little bit from drawing faces at the wrong angle. Should be tilted forward more. All's good and well. I busted out another one, had fun doin it, and can cross this one off the list.
Next up for tonight: Leonardo DiCaprio!
It was like...2, maybe 3am...when I got one of those cravings for a Red Bull. I mean a craving. Because, to me, Red Bull just flat-out tastes better late at night when the world shuts down, everyone is sleeping, and I'm gettin down to work. It makes me feel like a professional [as described by Steven Pressfield].
It's also nice to reward yourself every now and then. Give yourself something you enjoy. It's a pat on the back for your inner artist's work and dedication.
But I end up comin back around 7.
Yeah, you're like, "...the fuck? 4 hours to get a Red Bull?"
Haha, no. I stopped by my boy David's house to catch up. Got into a conversation about ADD prescriptions. Turns out that I might end up far more productive if I'd go see my doctor about getting something low-key for it [not Adderall, fuck that. seriously, it's a baby form of cocaine. not down.]. Got an appointment for tomorrow morning.
See, I'm trying to apply to a really nice art school by December. Which means I have the better half of a year to get a legitimate portfolio in the works. Now, I'll need all the scholarship money I can get since my parents can't help me out financially with it. This means I can't be wasting time dicking around on youtube and facebook when I have/want/need to be practicing several hours a day. What it boils down to is - you guessed it - concentrating. Which I struggle with. A lot. So, we'll see how the next month goes once I get a prescription.
So anywho, then I get back home, sit down, throw on The Social Network [phenomenal] and start up on the 2nd Natalie Portman. And I swear, it probably took a full 5 minutes just to get that first line going. A blank canvas truly is a hard thing to jump into every now and then. And today, it got me good. I was like, "...nnnooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo."
And then I told Resistance to "stfu cause I'm working." Which it obliged. Bullies tend to back down from a challenge. Which is why my facebook status, every other day, says something to the effect of:
Gotta do whatcha gotta do...even if it means kickin some little shit down a hole. ;O
Now, this... is...THE DRAWING:
Day #4 - Natalie Portman!
For the sake of comparing, this... is...THE ORIGINAL:
I can see that I still suffer a little bit from drawing faces at the wrong angle. Should be tilted forward more. All's good and well. I busted out another one, had fun doin it, and can cross this one off the list.
Next up for tonight: Leonardo DiCaprio!
BONUSSS!!!
I didn't start with portraits right off the bat. It happened very much on accident.
See, I've always leaned towards drawing video games or comics or whatever bullshit. But that isn't real anatomy to me. And in my studies the past few months, it's been pressing harder and harder for me to just bite the bullet and practice drawing people. Real people; not no cheatin video game characters with noses that look like this:
Drawing shit like that is just not going to do any potential artist any good. So. It was back to basics for this mug.
Oh, right! You're wondering "but you said it started on accident...what accident?"
Well, I was watching 300 some boring evening, and I must've been inspired by something because as soon as I saw a good frame, I paused it and started sketching. I don't know what came over me. Bravery perhaps? Over-confidence maybe? Regardless, it started something wonderful. Because I had planned on it being terrible. But, yet again, I surprised myself and figured, "Why not keep going?"
Luckily for me, I have an obsessive problem with saving pictures to my hard drive under a folder titled "References." And I had just the stuff to practice with. He's a photographer by the name of Danny Santos [http://www.dannyst.com/]. What better material than to use these stunning people for still life models?
Ok, enough talking! Here they are.
It's not much to look at, but it's the one that started it all:
A ridiculously cool asian dude:
And this absolutely STUNNING girl [first one from the top] who I in NO way did any justice; fucking noses. Yeah, this piece taught me about a dozen different lessons in one. First, and most important, don't. fuck. up. anything. Haha, seriously. You mess up any one facial feature and there goes all of that person's likeness. But that's what practicing is for. I'll hit that again later when I'm more skilled. Don't worry, pretty anonymous chica, I'll fix you up next time:
This asian chick is super cute. And those glasses were a blast to draw...although halfway through I wanted to stab myself in the eyeballs with my Pitt pen. Just goes to show - perseverance is everything:
Ahh, this guy! He had the most unique facial structure I've ever seen [I might be bad at drawing portraits, but he really did have an interesting face. It wasn't all me!]. He struck me as Native American. A very earthy look to him. Definitely enjoyed this one...save the right eye being a little crooked:
Ahh, Jesus. For real, he kinda looks like Jesus. Well, mine looks like a zombie Jesus. But the original photo didn't. ...basically, I over-thought this one and freaked out when it was time to draw the hair. So I ended up just stopping and moving on to the next one. Which is fine because it's 10x better to quit a piece and move on than to struggle through a piece you cannot reasonably finish and then end up quitting drawing altogether due to the frustration.
It was also during this piece that I really hedged out a style for myself in which I feel comfortable and happy. Based on the comments the waiter at IHOP gave me, it's a deviated form of stipling. I can see that. It's working quite well for me. So, alas, we have zombie Jesus in all his glory [pun intended]...and I think he's one of the best I've done so far:
Now, I wanted to continue drawing through Danny Santos' work. But I was possessed one night while watching Prince of Persia and needed to draw Gemma Arterton. The one I'm showing you, however, is the revised version. The one I drew during the movie - and I swear this was an experiment in artistic boundaries - was a drunk drawing. And it turns out that I'm at least 7...maybe 8x better sober. I give you...the sober one:
Anyone here familiar with Danny Luvisi? Adonihs? This guy? Well, I was up late and needed to pick someone to draw. Who but Danny was on Facebook chat at 4:30am [my time]? Popped in to ask him who and he suggested Daniel Day Lewis. Specifically from Gangs of New York. Googled that shit and BOOM... badass was born:
This is the Natalie Portman I mentioned one post ago. The Daniel Day Lewis drawing and this one completely killed a brand new Pitt pen. Whether it had ink left or not is up for debate, but the nib was condemned to like...the 4th level of hell or something. Shit was completely rubbed raw. And it was well worth it to crank this one out. It took about 4 hours at IHOP, good conversation with a fellow artist [whom I will convince to start a blog with me], and a full pot of coffee:
Everything after this was uploaded in the post below. From here on, I'll be keeping up with my 30in30challenge and adding in whatever little shits I do in between.
Alright, time to get crack-a-lackin, I gotta do another Natalie. ...hahaha, do another Natalie...if only that was true in a literal sense.
See, I've always leaned towards drawing video games or comics or whatever bullshit. But that isn't real anatomy to me. And in my studies the past few months, it's been pressing harder and harder for me to just bite the bullet and practice drawing people. Real people; not no cheatin video game characters with noses that look like this:
Drawing shit like that is just not going to do any potential artist any good. So. It was back to basics for this mug.
Oh, right! You're wondering "but you said it started on accident...what accident?"
Well, I was watching 300 some boring evening, and I must've been inspired by something because as soon as I saw a good frame, I paused it and started sketching. I don't know what came over me. Bravery perhaps? Over-confidence maybe? Regardless, it started something wonderful. Because I had planned on it being terrible. But, yet again, I surprised myself and figured, "Why not keep going?"
Luckily for me, I have an obsessive problem with saving pictures to my hard drive under a folder titled "References." And I had just the stuff to practice with. He's a photographer by the name of Danny Santos [http://www.dannyst.com/]. What better material than to use these stunning people for still life models?
Ok, enough talking! Here they are.
It's not much to look at, but it's the one that started it all:
A ridiculously cool asian dude:
And this absolutely STUNNING girl [first one from the top] who I in NO way did any justice; fucking noses. Yeah, this piece taught me about a dozen different lessons in one. First, and most important, don't. fuck. up. anything. Haha, seriously. You mess up any one facial feature and there goes all of that person's likeness. But that's what practicing is for. I'll hit that again later when I'm more skilled. Don't worry, pretty anonymous chica, I'll fix you up next time:
This asian chick is super cute. And those glasses were a blast to draw...although halfway through I wanted to stab myself in the eyeballs with my Pitt pen. Just goes to show - perseverance is everything:
Ahh, this guy! He had the most unique facial structure I've ever seen [I might be bad at drawing portraits, but he really did have an interesting face. It wasn't all me!]. He struck me as Native American. A very earthy look to him. Definitely enjoyed this one...save the right eye being a little crooked:
It was also during this piece that I really hedged out a style for myself in which I feel comfortable and happy. Based on the comments the waiter at IHOP gave me, it's a deviated form of stipling. I can see that. It's working quite well for me. So, alas, we have zombie Jesus in all his glory [pun intended]...and I think he's one of the best I've done so far:
Now, I wanted to continue drawing through Danny Santos' work. But I was possessed one night while watching Prince of Persia and needed to draw Gemma Arterton. The one I'm showing you, however, is the revised version. The one I drew during the movie - and I swear this was an experiment in artistic boundaries - was a drunk drawing. And it turns out that I'm at least 7...maybe 8x better sober. I give you...the sober one:
Anyone here familiar with Danny Luvisi? Adonihs? This guy? Well, I was up late and needed to pick someone to draw. Who but Danny was on Facebook chat at 4:30am [my time]? Popped in to ask him who and he suggested Daniel Day Lewis. Specifically from Gangs of New York. Googled that shit and BOOM... badass was born:
This is the Natalie Portman I mentioned one post ago. The Daniel Day Lewis drawing and this one completely killed a brand new Pitt pen. Whether it had ink left or not is up for debate, but the nib was condemned to like...the 4th level of hell or something. Shit was completely rubbed raw. And it was well worth it to crank this one out. It took about 4 hours at IHOP, good conversation with a fellow artist [whom I will convince to start a blog with me], and a full pot of coffee:
Everything after this was uploaded in the post below. From here on, I'll be keeping up with my 30in30challenge and adding in whatever little shits I do in between.
Alright, time to get crack-a-lackin, I gotta do another Natalie. ...hahaha, do another Natalie...if only that was true in a literal sense.
Over a year already?
I would say I'm surprised...but I'm not. Resistance [as explained by Seth Godin, Steven Pressfield, and Julia Cameron] uses the most ingenious, most convincing of tactics to get you to shut down the ideas you cook up. ...and it is an asshole about it.
So here we are, Blogger. You and me. Starting over fresh. This time, you should know I'm armed with a DEADLY array of new insights. That's right, no more getting my ass kicked by Resistance. No no. It's time for a little ass kicking of my own. And it started...about three days go.
Three days ago, I was drinking coffee at IHOP. It was probably 3 in the morning [yes, I know. shut up.] when the idea hit me: make a fucking conctract! Yeah, that's what you need to do!
And I did. I made a solemn vow. NAY, an oath. An oath to draw 30 portraits in 30 days. Why? Because I've spent the last several months cramming as many inspirational books, quotes, and interviews with successful people into my head as I could find...and now it's time to put it to use. It's time to practice. Every day. Just like I know I should've been doing this whole time. Except this time, I'm actually doing it. To clarify, I mean, I have actually been drawing and have produced a good bit of work in the past month.
There's no intent if you're doing it already.
So! Here we have the first 3 days of the 30 day challenge:
Day #1 - James Franco!
Day #2 - Jennifer Connelly! [God I wish I weren't so brave...it's soo bad...]
Day #3 - Joseph Gordon Levitt! [I deviated a little from "portrait." I'll legitimately redo him soon.]
Today's portrait is Natalie Portman! Now, I'd already done a Natalie Portman the night I was at IHOP, but I wanted to fix a few parts where I thought I'd messed up. This will be a good opportunity to redeem myself. Post will go up later today!
X-TRA posting coming in the next 30 though. ;]
So here we are, Blogger. You and me. Starting over fresh. This time, you should know I'm armed with a DEADLY array of new insights. That's right, no more getting my ass kicked by Resistance. No no. It's time for a little ass kicking of my own. And it started...about three days go.
Three days ago, I was drinking coffee at IHOP. It was probably 3 in the morning [yes, I know. shut up.] when the idea hit me: make a fucking conctract! Yeah, that's what you need to do!
And I did. I made a solemn vow. NAY, an oath. An oath to draw 30 portraits in 30 days. Why? Because I've spent the last several months cramming as many inspirational books, quotes, and interviews with successful people into my head as I could find...and now it's time to put it to use. It's time to practice. Every day. Just like I know I should've been doing this whole time. Except this time, I'm actually doing it. To clarify, I mean, I have actually been drawing and have produced a good bit of work in the past month.
There's no intent if you're doing it already.
So! Here we have the first 3 days of the 30 day challenge:
Day #1 - James Franco!
Day #2 - Jennifer Connelly! [God I wish I weren't so brave...it's soo bad...]
Day #3 - Joseph Gordon Levitt! [I deviated a little from "portrait." I'll legitimately redo him soon.]
Today's portrait is Natalie Portman! Now, I'd already done a Natalie Portman the night I was at IHOP, but I wanted to fix a few parts where I thought I'd messed up. This will be a good opportunity to redeem myself. Post will go up later today!
X-TRA posting coming in the next 30 though. ;]
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